Patience may be a virtue, but the word has different meanings.

 Not all words have the same meaning to different people, but some words actually do have very different meanings. When we begin life, we begin as sponges, being instructed about life and our role in it as well as who we are as people by other people. Our parents, but also our teachers, our friends parents, and whoever we are in contact with as children. Since we don't know any different at the time, we tend to believe whatever they tell us, no matter how untrue it is. They may even know it's untrue, like the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus, and are passing things down to us that were passed down to them without much thought to it. 

As we grow older, if we are not conscious of this, we may derive a lot of our self-perception by how the people around us treat us. 

As we grow older still, we may look back and realize that a lot of what they said just wasn't true. 

Think about the word, "patience."

What does that word mean to you? 

Do you consider yourself a patient person?

When are you patient and when are you not patient?

Let's take a look at the dictionary definitions, from Merriam-Webster Online:

Which of these definitions most suits what you believe? 

This is important. 

The first definition very clearly contains pain. If you believe "patience is a virtue" as a Biblical order, you may believe that enduring pain makes you a good person, shows that you truly love, or that you're a Saint. If this is your belief and you're in a relationship with someone who treats you terribly, this belief would basically force you to stay there and endure it or else you're a bad person. 

But patience may also just mean "not hasty," as in the third definition. 

Could patience then be the calm, rational decision that something is not what you want because it is harming you mentally and emotionally, if not physically as well? Accepting how someone is and that it isn't good for you, versus accepting that you've committed and will spend the next few decades trying to live in the hope that they will decide to change. 

It's important to realize this subtle yet massive difference. 

Being patient with yourself as you learn and grow is good. Patient, but persistent. 

Being patient with the time it actually takes to do things, versus just wanting them done. If you want to be in a place that is halfway across the world from where you are now, there will be times when you have to just be patient with some of the delays involved. The plane won't take less than 20 hours to get 20 hours away, so what you choose to feel in those 20 hours is largely up to you. 

Or being patient in learning a language. If it's important to you then you should do it, but even with the best intentions, teachers, and learning materials, it's still going to take time. 

Patience is required after a major illness or accident in recovery. Some people after a stroke have to learn how to walk again. This was something they may have already worked really hard to learn 75 years prior, but if they want to walk again, they'll have to endure the efforts, stumbles, and neural training to do it again. And probably some pain. 

If you're living in a country that is in turmoil and aren't able to or don't want to move, you'll need patience as in the 4th definition. The ability to persevere because you cannot change the entire world around you and do not know when it will get better. 

Defining patience for yourself will give you the ability to choose based on what you actually want, need, and deserve in life. It will give you the ability to see that if what you want, need, or deserve is not coming from your job, friend, or committed partner, you do have the ability to seek those things out from people and places that are actually worth your investment, and not just wasting your time. 

Then, your patience will be in the seeking and not settling. Maybe that strength and courage is the real virtue, rather than just banging your head against the same, old door. 

- Doe Zantamata