Past the fear
Fear magnifies threat. We're designed for survival so the brain, when affected by fear, can short circuit and go directly to that response when anything similar happens. This is also called trauma and triggers.
So to move back to "normal" responses while still using the wisdom learned, you have to move past the event, situation, relationship, or pain that first caused the fear.
Awareness, forgiveness, conscious effort over time are the ways through.
This is a lot of the underlying basis of therapy, but awareness has to come first. If you believe everyone else is the cause of the painful patterns, then you'll project them onto anyone who is remotely similar and think that it's real.
The patterns may show up in overcompensating, overreacting, overthinking, or a mix of the three. If you're feeling pain and feel like you've been down this road before, look within.
It's a long, difficult road but it's worth the walk.