Dealing with insults that are not true.

Common theory claims that for an insult to hurt, a person has to believe it’s true. 

But this is only valid from a self-centered point of view. 

 The other type of harm comes from being on the receiving end of an accusation or insult that you absolutely know isn’t true. 

This harms the relationship. 

It makes you see that person differently. 

Their mind looked at you and saw ugliness that isn’t there. That tells you everything about their mind and does not reflect on you. 

There is shock and grief in this experience and realization. 

It's a sign to retract and protect yourself, as what this person believes about you is going to bring you down if you remain close and open to them. They believe what they believe, and attempts to educate or prove yourself to them will usually only make them double down.

You don’t have to abandon them entirely, but do create distance and become somewhat cautious about what you share. 

We see action, not motivation. Motivation takes place within the mind. 

If someone assigns your actions an ugly motivation, resist the impulse to become defensive and disempowered. 

Pause and step back. 

Realize that this motivation is part of their belief system, and to them, their projection is true. They may even change words in past conversations that you never said, nor even believe. 

Maybe it's deliberate gaslighting, but it can also be a part of a solid victim mentality that transforms words and twists them to fit their beliefs. 

Trying to prove yourself to them will only exhaust and frustrate you. They believe what they believe based on a lifetime of experiences and judgments, and a few pleading hours of conversation with you won't change that. 

Distance doesn't have to mean absolute no contact. It could just mean not sharing things with them that you know from experience will only result in untrue judgments and frustration. 

Protecting your peace also means preserving your sanity and self-worth. 

-Doe Zantamata 

Author of "Happiness in Your Life - Book One: Karma"

#selfworth #gaslight #doezantamata #karma