Into the New Year

 

If I'm honest, and I always try to be, the truth is that nothing and everything matters. 

The awards don't matter, the color you paint the living room isn't important, and the fact the stain on the shirt didn't come out all the way has no consequence at all. 

But also, everything matters. the moment of achievement recognized and the way you felt right then, right there. The feeling you get when you enter the living room and it is is exactly what you once pictured in your mind and then saw in reality. And the stain on the shirt that represents loss. Loss of how great it was and the knowing that it won't ever be that way again. 

We are not our titles, roles, worst years or missed potential. 

We are life.

We are moments and feelings and learning and love. 

We are sadness and joy, anger and regret, and being so deeply touched that our heart feels as though it's growing right in our chest and our eyes fill from the bottom with tears, blurring the view but creating the greatest clarity of the purpose of our lives right there. 

If you work too much, you'll regret not having fun. If you have too much fun, you'll regret not achieving enough. Balance is the key, but it doesn't come in every day. It swings like a pendulum and takes you along with it. You become a part of the machinery for years sometimes, waking up like taking a breath after being underwater for a long time and look around and realize how much time has passed. 

And then it swings the other way, or if you wait too long, you'll find you're back underwater again. 

The secret of it all if there is one, is that you've got to inject presence and love into every moment you possibly can. 

Be present with the hard times, knowing one day you'll look back and remember making it through them. Be present in the recognition and please don't push it away. Be present with every being that surrounds you and know that for this brief moment in time and space, against all odds, you've found yourself with them, suspended in a constant click of the hands of time that can end as soon as it began. 

Enjoy. Love. Choose the strong path. Be honest. Be honest especially when it seems so much easier not to be. Be honest in the kindest way you know how, but be honest. 

When we pass, all of the painful emotions fall away and are replaced with wisdom and insight. 

The last one, the heaviest one to drop away is regret. 

Regret of not being honest. Regret of not saying, "I love you," or "I don't love you," "Thank you," and "This needs to change." Regret of being where you knew you shouldn't have been for too long, and regret of not being where you knew your heart felt at home. 

You will have no power over changing anything at that point, only the wishes that you would have now.

- Doe Zantamata

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