Healing from Blindsided Anger
One of the more difficult triggers to move past in adult life is blindsided anger.
When you were a child, you knew relatively early what you were not supposed to be doing. If you did it anyway and got in trouble it served as learning right from wrong. But if you were doing things or behaving in ways that you had no idea were "wrong" and were scolded or yelled at, that introduced trauma.
It could have been laughing too loud, pulling blades of grass, eating too fast or not fast enough...many parents of our generation still carried their own trauma from their parents who lived during a world war. They became sensitive to things being in order or controlled. Without even knowing it, they over reacted to children acting out of adult order...which is just children being children.
So your curiosity became disorder. Your learning became disorder. Your being became disorder.
That instilled a fear of curiosity, learning, and being. So if unresolved, you may instantly jump and try to correct whatever anyone is angry about without even questioning if it is valid or not until later. Then you think back and wonder why on earth you reacted the way you did or folded so quickly to angry demands when you weren't doing anything wrong.
The degrees of this vary immensely. For some people, becoming aware of when this happens is enough to allow for pause before responding instead of reacting. For others, especially those with violent or abusive childhoods, therapy may be a much more effective way to release the old triggers and patterns.
Only you know what is best for you. But you do deserve peace, and to be able to be yourself without fear.of being wrong for that.
Learn more about relationships and patterns in Doe's book: