Dealing with Anger and Sadness

Anger and sadness are negative emotions. It's normal to have them and they teach us about ourselves and present us with a choice. 

Acting on them or while in them goes down a road of destruction, to the self, others, or both. 

Underneath anger is fear. 

Underneath sadness is loss. 

This is why they can teach; you can choose to learn about yourself and decide how you will deal with fear or loss.

Dealing with anger:

It's not strong to explode in anger. That can transfer and expand both the anger and the underlying fear but it won't fix anything. The path through anger is confidence. Fear of not being safe is very common. Physically, mentally, or emotionally safe. Fear of being abandoned, betrayed, or not lovable or worthy of love are also common. Fear can cause perception of an attack or threat that isn't really there. Then striking "back" is actually striking first and leads to more. The anger is always very real but it isn't always rational. When anger comes up in you reflect inward and ask yourself what it is you fear. Love, accept, and trust yourself. You have lived through a lot and you are wiser than you give yourself credit for. Use that wisdom with confidence.

Dealing with sadness:

The path through sadness is resilience. Nobody makes it through life with no loss but some allow it to consume them and others choose to move forward with what's left and choose hope of good things to come. We mourn the past because it was here and we knew it but you could just as easily mourn the future. What if in 3 years your financial situation will become incredibly easier? What if in 5 years you'll meet an amazing friend or partner? It doesn't mean you should put your life on hold until then. It means you should enjoy now as much as you can. Grieving the past is a complex process and full healing can't be achieved in an instant. Wounds don't heal that way. Even when they seem healed the grief can come back in waves and it feels like a fresh cut all over again. That is part of the process. Do your best to enjoy your life today as much as you can and every good person, thing, and moment that exists now.

-Doe Zantamata

For practical advice on relationship patterns and how to change them, check out Doe's book: