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The Break Up - Getting Over Heartbreak

After a breakup, make sure to put your heart into intensive care. Give yourself time to heal. Focus on you, focus on good, focus on now. ~Doe Zantamata
The Breakup
By Doe Zantamata

A breakup when all your heart was in it can be as difficult to get through as losing someone by death.

For the first short while, just focus on anything good in your life, and take it day by day, or hour by hour if you have to.

Find things in your life that you need to focus attention on, and that you really love doing. Creative things where your attention needs to be on them are good.

Be with your feelings. Grieving can't be rushed. You're not weak for feeling pain, you're sensitive. Only sensitive people can be compassionate, and really help others, but they also feel pain a lot more strongly.

Get detached...write a list of every quality you would want in a partner. Then go back to that list and honestly answer if this relationship gave you those things:

1. in the beginning,
2. 90% of the time, and
3. the last while.

If the answer to all or many of the things you want is "no," then it's not that person or that relationship you wanted, but instead it's attachment breaking that’s rough, or a strong reaction to rejection, or some other thing that's pulling you back toward something that you really weren't all that happy in when you were in it.

Let go of the “could have been.” If they’d only been nicer, or done this, or appreciated that…well if they’d done all those things, they’d be a different person. You have a lot of love to give, and you directed it toward someone who was unwilling or unable to give it back to you. That doesn’t mean someone else will be the same. Though you can’t even think of someone else now, it won’t always be that way.

It’s difficult to find your legs to get up and move on when you feel like you’ve been knocked down so very hard. But once you do find that love, that strength, inside of you, you won’t ever be knocked down like that again. This can be the hardest, but ultimately, the most rewarding, strengthening time of your life.

For now, enjoy the things about being single that you couldn't enjoy before...whatever those things may be. Do things that you want to do, when you want to do them, and learn to love and feel complete in a single life. Learn to love all the great things that are unique and wonderful about you, and really discover who you are and what you really love in life.

Whenever the time is right for a new love, you will be whole, and will have so much more to offer. You will have found you.


  1. Spot on! Move on and never look back!!

  2. I received this this morning on my phone-the morning after my boyfriend and I had broken up. I cried so hard-it was like the universe was affirming that it was true and it was time to let go, accept its over and move on. So fucking hard-but comforting at the same time

  3. It's been over 2 years since Rich walked out of my life. I know it's the concept, the idea of him that I still miss. At 51, it is difficult to move on or even know how to do that. I hope and pray I will get to that "right time" and will have found ME again. Thank you.

  4. This came at just the right time. I have just gone through a divorce to someone who was never really committed to our marriage. Thanks for the reminder to enjoy what is positive.


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