5 Standards You Can Never Lower in Relationships



5 Standards You Can Never Lower in Relationships 
by Doe Zantamata

1. Don’t try to get someone to treat you better.
 

Correcting children is teaching them how to interact with people when they become adults. Correcting an adult may seem like it's working short term, but long term they will tell you that you are controlling. Witness how you are being treated and decide if this is what you want or not. If not, accept that this is what they are choosing to offer and is what they believe you deserve.

2. Don’t say, "well, sometimes it’s good," or talk yourself out of being treated with kindness and respect as if it’s some lofty aspiration. 
When you really like someone, it's common to want to downplay their faults and build up their good qualities. But this is untrue and is deceiving yourself. It will hurt later. Be honest with yourself about how you are actually being treated versus how you know you deserve to be treated. 



3. Don’t let them guilt you into believing you’re too demanding or expecting them to be perfect. 
That’s just blaming you for what they’re doing wrong. If they had a bad day and snapped, then took responsibility and apologized, that's one thing. But if they take zero responsibility for their actions or words and instead turn it around on you, you are being silenced and you are being told in no uncertain terms that for them, your "demands" are too much. But are you only asking to be treated the way you treat someone who you care about? Then it's definitely not too much, just too much for them.

4. “Ups and downs” doesn’t mean they treat you like garbage sometimes and like you’re important at other times. 

There are phrases and cliches that do not apply to all situations. People use them to try and justify their actions. Every relationship has ups and downs and misunderstandings, but it's not true that people can use that cliche as a license to treat you poorly or speak down to you and then flip the switch as if nothing happened. That will wreak havoc on your self worth in the long term. 



5. It’s not difficult to be respectful to someone you love, even when you’re upset. 
Adults can be responsible for the words that come out of their mouth. If you value someone and they are close in your life, their words carry a lot of power. Whether it's "I love you," or "I hate you," those words cut deep. If a person has a temper, they need to work on that temper for themselves, not expect that lashing out can be erased with a simple apology later. It can't. Eventually, you will lose value for all their words. You shouldn't have to be the gate keeper for what they really mean or not. Your job is to be gate keeper of your own words, not theirs. 


Relationships bring out deeper parts of ourselves and that isn't always easy. Those parts are not being brought out to hurt you, but to heal you. A lot of us question our own worth and what we are deserving of. If you were happier single, the relationship you are in is likely not the right one for you. If it's not allowing you to be yourself and improving your confidence, why are you there? You're looking for a partner in life, not an opponent. Someone to help you face the world, not someone who drains your energy. Be willing to give the best of yourself, and be willing to receive the best in others. Bringing each other up isn't idealistic, it's the purpose of solid relationships. 

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