Boundaries
Some people in your life won't take a thing from you...not your help, not gifts, not money, and not your time. They are grateful for you just being you, and appreciate everything you are and all that you do for them and bring to their life. They are also very rare, and should be absolutely cherished.
Others, well, you know that saying, "If you give 'em an inch, they'll take a mile?" That kind of describes it. They're not BAD people or EVIL people, they just don't have the same sort of sense of consideration or compassion as you'd like for everyone to have. You can get used by them and bend over backwards and they'll still ask for more and wonder why you're getting upset when that's what you always do....
OR
You can say no, you can stand up for yourself, your time, and you can make them aware of how their actions and demands are affecting you in a negative way. In other words...
When someone's pushing you off the deep end...it's time to set some boundaries.
Please don't wait for someone who you're thinking of to "just get it" or "one day realize" anything. That may seem like an accepting, loving thing to do, but really, it's more likely to make molehills into mountains. Molehills are little and can be corrected. If you let it get to mountain size, there will be damage done that just can't be fixed.
Also, anger can build up. If you ALWAYS drive, if you NEVER are treated to nice things, if you're ALWAYS expected to go out of your way and scarcely get a thank you, speak up.
Otherwise, you'll begin to resent that person (or people) for always "making" you do things. In their mind, they likely think that you don't mind or that you like being the one to go that extra mile.
Set the record straight. In a nice way, in a tactful way, but if you're feeling this way, speak up, even if it's awkward. Even if you do like doing things but you're just feeling unappreciated. Speaking up gives them a chance to become aware and to prevent you having any hard feelings toward them in the future. Speaking up gives them the chance to do right by you, as you do for them.
If when you speak up, they snap back and belittle all you do...then you also will know where you stand. If they only want you around for all the things you do for them, then that will be a knock on your self-worth door asking you why you think you have to be needed and work for love received. Aren't you lovable just on your own? If that's the case, then you may rethink the whole relationship or friendship. It may be that a little distance is required, or it may be that it's time to walk away.
By setting boundaries and speaking up, you'll make someone aware of how you'd like to be treated. Either they will treat you better, or they will move on. Either way, your problem's solved.
It's not selfish or cold to prevent future dislike and resentment towards someone. It means that you can accept their choices and acknowledge your feelings at the same time. And just because their actions are not right for you, it doesn't mean they are wrong. It just means they are not right for you.
If they choose to walk away, then it means they're not actually looking for you, they're looking for someone to take advantage of, and it will be your choice if you want to be that person anymore or not. If you'd like to be taken advantage of, you can probably find someone to do that on any street, in any city, in every corner of the world. It won't be a loss to lose them, even if you really care for them and just wish you would be appreciated and thought of once in awhile.
Losing them will mean gaining a space in your life that can be filled with more time for you, more time to do what makes you happy, or to be filled by someone who appreciates being in that space.
In the end, it's up to you.
By Doe Zantamata
Learn how to understand your own inner language with Doe's book:
Others, well, you know that saying, "If you give 'em an inch, they'll take a mile?" That kind of describes it. They're not BAD people or EVIL people, they just don't have the same sort of sense of consideration or compassion as you'd like for everyone to have. You can get used by them and bend over backwards and they'll still ask for more and wonder why you're getting upset when that's what you always do....
OR
You can say no, you can stand up for yourself, your time, and you can make them aware of how their actions and demands are affecting you in a negative way. In other words...
When someone's pushing you off the deep end...it's time to set some boundaries.
Please don't wait for someone who you're thinking of to "just get it" or "one day realize" anything. That may seem like an accepting, loving thing to do, but really, it's more likely to make molehills into mountains. Molehills are little and can be corrected. If you let it get to mountain size, there will be damage done that just can't be fixed.
Also, anger can build up. If you ALWAYS drive, if you NEVER are treated to nice things, if you're ALWAYS expected to go out of your way and scarcely get a thank you, speak up.
Otherwise, you'll begin to resent that person (or people) for always "making" you do things. In their mind, they likely think that you don't mind or that you like being the one to go that extra mile.
Set the record straight. In a nice way, in a tactful way, but if you're feeling this way, speak up, even if it's awkward. Even if you do like doing things but you're just feeling unappreciated. Speaking up gives them a chance to become aware and to prevent you having any hard feelings toward them in the future. Speaking up gives them the chance to do right by you, as you do for them.
If when you speak up, they snap back and belittle all you do...then you also will know where you stand. If they only want you around for all the things you do for them, then that will be a knock on your self-worth door asking you why you think you have to be needed and work for love received. Aren't you lovable just on your own? If that's the case, then you may rethink the whole relationship or friendship. It may be that a little distance is required, or it may be that it's time to walk away.
By setting boundaries and speaking up, you'll make someone aware of how you'd like to be treated. Either they will treat you better, or they will move on. Either way, your problem's solved.
It's not selfish or cold to prevent future dislike and resentment towards someone. It means that you can accept their choices and acknowledge your feelings at the same time. And just because their actions are not right for you, it doesn't mean they are wrong. It just means they are not right for you.
If they choose to walk away, then it means they're not actually looking for you, they're looking for someone to take advantage of, and it will be your choice if you want to be that person anymore or not. If you'd like to be taken advantage of, you can probably find someone to do that on any street, in any city, in every corner of the world. It won't be a loss to lose them, even if you really care for them and just wish you would be appreciated and thought of once in awhile.
Losing them will mean gaining a space in your life that can be filled with more time for you, more time to do what makes you happy, or to be filled by someone who appreciates being in that space.
In the end, it's up to you.
By Doe Zantamata
Learn how to understand your own inner language with Doe's book:
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